Australia - Where Dreams Go to Die

One might imagine that we plucky bloggers would eventually run out of things to write about regarding how utterly insane Australia has become. One would be wrong.  I won't lie: nothing would give me greater pleasure to be able to write something positive for once.  But there's nothing at all good in Australia any longer.  Nothing. It is heartbreaking.  So we write about the stupidity, because we must.

With a hat tip to DP for tweeting it, we come to learn that there is nothing at all more dangerous to children and women than tiny letters -- so cleverly designed, so evilly tempting, that the mere sight of the alphanumeric code "ESC 01" will cause unborn foetuses on another continent to crave that silky smooth taste of a Holiday cigarette.  Look for yourself:

WANT! GIVE TO ME!

In his blog post "The idiots have won" Christopher Snowdon writes:

Australian anti-smoking fruitcakes—led, inevitably, by that twisted old narcissist Simon Chapman—have complained that cigarette companies are breaching plain packaging rules because....well, I really don't know...watch the video and see if you can work it out. It seems to come down to the fact that the tobacco industry is allowed to stamp a few letters on the cigarettes for purposes of identification (how very liberal!) and so they have.
[...]
I would like to comment on this, I really would, but the nutters have finally gone beyond the point at which I can even understand their arguments.

And if the above pic didn't quite tempt a three-year-old to start smoking, perhaps this one will:

How dare tobacco companies do this! It's outrageous! Just look!

I had no idea that plain packaging laws in Australia prevented tobacco companies from  putting their brand name on the cigarette itself.  It doesn't make sense at all. Think about it.  If you could put the brand name on the packet, in 12pt font, and that's good enough to keep Australian school kids safe from being tempted to try smoking, then what's the problem with the brand name being on the cigarette itself?

The problem is that it's not about health.  It's about destroying tobacco companies and denormalising adult human beings who smoke. It's about making it difficult for consumers to identify the brands they prefer.  It's about making all cigarettes exactly the same -- appearance, shape, taste ... all of it.

It's about control.  It's about controlling you and the choices available to you.  For if you have no choice, then you do not have control over your own life and your decisions.

That's why it's called Tobacco Control. 

Every last person who works for the tobacco control industry is evil, from within the WHO, through fake charities and puppet journalists in the media, from within the Department of Health Hate, and in some cases all the way down to your local NHS GP in Shepard's Bush.  Sure, they don't know that they're evil -- it doesn't register in their mind at all, just like Hitler and his minions wrongly believed they were righteous crusaders for the greater good.  But they are evil.  Very much so.

Well, Australia is the test-bed for all things evil these days. Clearly.  No doubt there are a few sane people living down under, and I pity each and everyone of them who are trapped in that hellish prison through no fault of their own.  But the majority of Australians are idiots for believing, accepting and preaching the Public Health religion's gospel.

There is only one thing to do.  I've mentioned it before.  But now.  Now!  Now I have a graphic for it, so it's time to kick it off right.  Can't do anything without a graphic to post on a blog or Facebook. Right? That's my point.

It's time to boycott Australia.  That's right. Boycott everything Australian. 

Do not buy any Australian goods -- not their wine (particularly Oyster Bay -- The Root of All Evil will understand why), beer, opals, meat, surfboard wax, or wool.  Nothing. If you see Australian products in your local, ask the shopkeeper not to stock them or risk losing your custom.

Do not travel to or holiday in Australia.

Do not send packages to Australian relatives or to any businesses, for this will only support the delivery transport industry.

Do not accept telephone calls from anyone in Australia, for this will support the Australian telecoms.

Don't even watch Australian television programmes or films (except for Farscape -- that's OK, since it was produced by Jim Henson's company).

If you even suspect that something might be Australian, walk away from it.  And then wash your hands, just to be safe you weren't contaminated.

Yes, I know it's silly, and yes I know I might get about five of you to boycott Australia (and that's a generous overestimate).  But together, we can make a difference.  So have a graphic.  It was made by the incredibly talented Lawson Narse.  Which just makes it all the more awesomely cool, if you ask me.

Also, do note that if you post the graphic on your blog or share it on Facebook or Twitter, you could save a child from being tortured by the Public Health crusaders in Australia.  Really, won't you think about the children!?

UPDATE!  There is now an official BOYCOTT AUSTRALIA Facebook Page.